Given my relative
simplicity, keeping myself happy and entertained isn't too difficult.
I'm not getting philosophical, mulling over my ability to achieve true
happiness, or any such nonsense. No one is actually happy; if someone
says they are, they're lying and should be punished for their false
witnessing. Personally, I've found the most sure-fire way to come
closest to true happiness is through a series of small victories. I
might never actually like myself, be pleased with my level of success,
or have any sense of pride, so dwelling on that will only lead to
This is off to a horrible,
We need to turn the mood around and do a complete 140. Not a full
180 since, well... it's not going to get that much better in
I figure a constant diet of small, superficial distractions will provide
me some semblance of steady joy. If I never achieve any sort of
nirvana, it will be okay, since hopefully I will be too entertained by
nutritionally-devoid food and pop-culture minutia to notice anything is
lacking. Is this a poor method? Almost definitely. On the other hand,
it is easy and focuses on instant gratification, two of my favorite
That said, there are a lot of people familiar with my favorite things in
life, from reading this site. And if you are familiar with my favorite
things from methods other than reading this site, that's kind of creepy.
Stop it. Point being, I found something while shopping recently, that
fills many of my criteria for a truly awesome product.
While browsing the cereal aisle (I went with "browsing, because it makes
me look much less maniacal then the more accurate "analyzing"), my
attention was immediately drawn to a very bright, garishly colored
section of boxes. Upon closer inspection, I discovered it was an
assortment of new Disney cereals. This seemed like the perfect
combination of traits: cereal, Disney, and something that probably won't
be around for too much longer. Unfortunately, further inspection made
me realize that these cereals were actually pretty lame. Disney has had
its fair share of cereals in the past (that Pooh Honey Bee cereal was
awesome), but this line seemed especially lazy.
Mickey's cereal was some sort of Trix-Fruity Pebbles bastardization; the
Little Einsteins cereal did as well, except it was star shaped.
Finally, the Princess cereal appeared to be simply Frosted Flakes.
Sadly, even my normally impulsive decision making skills couldn't
convince me to buy any of them. I wanted to want them, but
unfortunately the interest just wasn't there. When I see a new,
interesting cereal, I get far more excited than most people do, or
should. Unfortunately, the Disney cereals didn't spark anything inside
me; they didn't make my blood flow quicken or my eyes dilate, or
anything else my cereal lust tends to do to me.
As luck would have it, when I got home that night, there it was - the
Princess cereal. Admittedly, that's not very exciting. Trust me, there
was no sense of "wow" or "hey!", it was more of an understated "Huh,
look at that." Regardless, the tiny bit of weirdness of the cereal
being home after just having seen it was interesting enough to
resuscitate my curiosity just enough.
The sad fact is this cereal has almost nothing going for it. Actually,
that's not true. Its box has the Disney Princesses on it; its bright
coloring drawing children's eyes towards it. Luckily for Disney,
putting their Princesses on a product is as close as they can legally
come to Disney printing its own money. The Princesses are Disney's most
popular sellers, making them their hottest line. And by hot, I mean
"very popular", not "very attractive".
Okay fine, I meant it in
that way as well.
I will clarify that the cereal line has lots going for it, simply for
being Disney branded. What I mean is the actual cereal, the food you
wind up eating, has almost nothing going for it. The Princess cereal is
just Frosted Flakes. In fact, it's even weirder than Frosted Flakes; it
looks like Frosted Product 19. Except for one, truly awesome,
difference: it's pink.
So without much fanfare, I ate a bowl of
the cereal. And you will never guess how it actually tastes.
Well, you actually can guess how it tastes. In fact, I'm sure of it.
It tastes okay. I will actually give it a slightly higher grade, a
"Pretty Good". And that's what you would expect. Frosted Flakes are
pretty good. Their biggest strength is that you never get sick of them.
There are certain cereals I love, but I wouldn't want to eat box after
box of them in a row; I need a break. Frosted Flakes, I could pretty
much eat nonstop. I might not be too happy about it, but it wouldn't be
bad. What I like to do best with Frosted Flakes is use them to dilute
another cereal, like Raisin Bran. This way I can eat a giant bowl of
Raisin Bran, and not have to worry about violent stomach cramping, since
the Frosted Flakes will help ease the massive fiber assault.
Would I buy the Disney Princess cereal again? No. But then again, I
didn't even buy them in the first place, so that seems like a pretty
good deal to me. I also have to worry about upholding my reputation.
Can a tough, manly man be seen buying Princess cereal without looking
foolish? No, and neither can I.